Beginners guide on how to be a good girlfriend.

To all the single girls out there I would like to share what can you do be a girlfriend material. Yeah, the kind to whom boys fall easily. Most of these points have been deduced by observing common characteristics of ‘girlfriends’ I have known. Any similarity to the person reading this bullshit is effing coincidental.

1. Let him know you are interested
Asking him for a coffee or movie is an old way. Hit that like button under any pic which has him and favorite his lame tweets. Don’t forget to poke him between raping those like and favorite buttons.

2. Get his attention
No matter how bad your face looks, always try to get your best side clicked with a duck face and post it as your profile picture. That is not enough, you have to beg your mutual friends to like and comment on that pict till it fills his facebook wall like spam.

3. Sharing is caring
Don’t forget to share every forwarded message you receive from your friends, especially those sweet messages with lot of hearts. < 3 (though it looks more like junk than a heart)

4. Act stupid
Believe it or not, boys like girls who act stupid. Look at Penny from The Big Bang Theory !! Ask his help for minor cell phone glitches, to fix your laptop or an irrelevant banal doubt.

5. Sense of his humour
Make him feel that he got a good sense of humour by laughing at whatever crappy jokes he is trying to crack . Just don’t let him know that you are doing it purpose and you don’t laugh in any serious issue.

6. Birthdays
On his birthday take treat in a posh restaurant. While your birthday is few months away keep talking about that another classy lounge you always wanted to visit. So, that he gets the hint and is compelled to take you there as surprise treat.

7. Be an emo
Cry after a fight over not saying proper good night after two hours of call and make a scene when he replies to a message late. Send him pinching texts like “I did that and this .. Blah blah .. And, this is how you treat me..” Etc.

8. PDA (Public display of affection) 
Hugs and kisses are quite unacceptable in Indian society. So, what is important is hold his hand all the time in public, except when you using the toilet.

9. Check-in at posh places
You may visit local salon or restaurant, but when you visit a spa or star hotel post it on your facebook that you guys are there together and make him feel good. While the actual intention is to show it off to your girlfriends.

10. Attack his wall
When you are away for more than 12hours from him, post “miss you honey ” or on a vocation start counting days to go until you meet him on Facebook. Let the world know how many hours or day you are away from him.

11. Be angry at silly things ūüėÄ
Yeah! This is very important. If you ain’t angry over certain things like he can’t meet over a lunch due to office work or he keeps you waiting for 10 minute due to heavy traffic, be very angry. No, don’t pardon him remembering all the bills he payed and the times you made him wait for hours outside your home.

12. Tag him

Tag him in every photo of yours even if he is not there. Cut Copy Pasted heart touching poem and tag him. Upload a forwarded good morning photo you received on whatsapp and tag him. Just tag him.

13. VDA (Virtual Display of Affection)

Comment, mention, like, favorite, retweet whatever shit he posts on Facebook or twitter. This is really important even if you are sharing your bed while you do that. It indirectly screams that you are his girlfriend¬† and sends out signals to his female fans to take a back seat. It may account to stalking him nut that’s alright.

Being a carefree and letting go kinda cool  girl who treats all boys the same way, you have 90% chance of being friend zoned. How much ever boys may deny they want their girl to act little stupid and be mad at them which makes them feel cared and secure. So, keep these points to charm your crush and move out of friend zone.

PS: If you don’t and can’t do any of this shit. Then you are just a marriage material. ūüėČ

An open letter to the girlfriend from his sister

Dear Girlfriend,

The reason for writing this letter is upcoming mass phenomenon called Valentine’s Day and I can imagine you expecting big surprise or beautiful gift from your boyfriend. If you get what you wanted or never wanted or even if he attempts to do something as a part of that day, be very much thankful. If not, do something special for him yourself, that’s all. Let me warn about the gifts. If its a dress it will not to fit you or be of a color which you don’t like. Get it exchanged asap.

I saw him grow up, trying hard and craving to have that ‘Me time'(I don’t know whats is the hype with this, but some boys are very particular about it).¬†He had reservations about hanging out with friends and ¬†not letting us into his room. His friend circle and his interests grew to clinch the little part of the day he would spend with us. Our family was little worried initially, but we gradually understood his need for privacy and independence. He was missed by our family at dinner table and would skip family get togethers sighting reasons like projects, seminars, college fests etc. ¬†Sometimes, he would make up for those lost times with occasional surprises, which had nothing to do with our birthdays or anniversaries. The timing of the surprises were as random as his mood. Mostly it would be a pizza order or a take away and occasional gifts which were mostly gadgets, the reason I got more gadgets than teddy bears.

 Let me I assure you, he is not the kind of typical boy one sees on romantic movies, any similarities to that character are completely coincidental and even if it is is real it may not last long. Expectations of him to be like one of them may bring disappoint. My mother and me had to remind him of upcoming birthdays in the family, so that he could wish them and buy a gift before the midnight of their birthday. So, you should get used to be his backup to remind him of your and your families birthdays and anniversaries and do the needful.

¬†The only times I spent with him after we grew up was during his dinner, as the rest of us would be done with it and I had to serve food to him.¬†But, we will always cherish those family outings and trip with him in our school days and the games we played as kids. The last trip was over 5 years back and we try to compensate with a family dinner outside if time permits during his visit these day. Now, you got the reason to value the time you get to spend together over a cup of coffee, dinner, movie apart from the calls he makes between his busy work just because he cares for you.¬†You should ¬†be happy that he is sharing his life, joy and his precious ‘Me’ time with you, and the same applies to him.

Coming to the Valentines day, it is just another day, or rather much hyped for commercial purpose. One doesn’t need a special day to show how much one loves him/her. If one forgets to wish and gift ones mother of mother’s day, will it make them a bad child? No! The same applies to valentines day. Simple. ¬†Also, the gifts and efforts one puts in on valentines day should not measure how much one loves. I assure you it is actually the time one gives you ¬†which reflect their love more than anything else. Cherish every moment wholeheartedly, than wait for that one day of the year to express the so called unconditional love.

Yours,

His sister.

PS: This is crap. Well, I don’t know what it is like to be a girlfriend and don’t take my words seriously. A gift for any reason is a must.

PPS: To demanding boyfriends, gift her so much that she never says No;)